Invalidating people

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I went through years of silent abuse, thinking if I tried harder, if I was nicer it would work, I would change and please my husband. I think silent abuse is the worst of all abuses because you don't see it, but it weights you down like heavy bags of sand on your shoulders.

One of the factors that causes fragmentation of your identity - who you think and feel you are - is invalidation, which happens when you feel made wrong by another's comments or actions. One of the main ways this comes about is through invalidation, or 'making wrong'.

' When another person wrongly evaluates or misunderstands your communications or your state of mind, naturally this is upsetting. If you ignore your own feelings and believe they must be right, you begin to follow their will, not your own.

A part of you has identified with the other person and split from the real you. This very commonly occurs with children, where they take on the characteristics of their parents.

The upshot of this perspective is that your suffering would vanish if only you adopted a more evolved perspective and stopped feeling aggrieved.

I was often kindly reminded (and believed it myself), “there are no victims.” How can you be a victim when you are responsible for your circumstances?

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