Overcoming dating fears
"Kelly was convinced that these early "outsider" experiences were at the root of her current problems: "I'm always looking for signs that my partner is about to reject me! I'm always seeking reassurance, always wondering what he really means."Seeking reassurance from other people is a dead end.
Reassurance needs to be found from within you, not from others. Because look, word, or action from other people can be warped and wrongly interpreted as an upcoming rejection when it simply isn't.
Who isn’t on some level fearful or resistant to, not just falling in love, but in love? Robert Firestone’s theory of the “fear of intimacy” and was heavily inspired by more than 30 years of examples of clients, co-workers, friends, family members and countless individuals I’ve encountered across the world who’ve opened up to me about their relationship struggles. How can we overcome our fears of intimacy to find and maintain the love we so desire?
Almost every one of us can relate to at least a couple of the ways we defend ourselves, self-protect and self-sabotage when it comes to love. The first step to not acting on our fears is to recognize that we have them.
The fear of intimacy isn’t a problem without a solution, but finding a solution means identifying that there is a problem.
It appears real, because you’ve told yourself it’s what you fear, and your body acts accordingly, pumping your system full of ‘fight and flight’ hormones whenever you get a stimulus.But if you are afraid to enter a relationship because you are afraid of getting hurt, you are both a cliche and destined to go nowhere. But don’t make that an excuse for breaking it off if you think it can succeed and make you happy, because it might even make your relationship better. My mom used to yell at me because I was kind of depending on her to fill some of my boyfriend requirements, like being there for me, caring for me when I was sick/stressed/sad, talking to me on the phone, sending me funny pictures of cats, etc.Don’t beat yourself up if the thought of approaching someone sends you into a blind panic.Take baby steps, starting off with a little eye contact and a smile. Is it any wonder that you feel like a total failure when you focus on the negative or your inability to hold your own in a conversation with someone new?